Laugh, Love & Treasured Moments

Have you ever heard this? "What's love got to do with it?" My response is that LOVE is not just a word that can be thrown around so easily, like empty promises...LOVE is just a four letter word if used as a salutation...I believe that actions speaks louder than words! Others, I believe thinks that by saying "I love you" a thousand times a day & not make any efforts to back up these words are truly clueless.

LOVE should be the simple & subtle things that happens on a daily basis. Don't take me the wrong way, it's always nice to hear "I love you" every possible moment , but having these treasured "unspoken" moments have shown me what true love should ultimately be.

LOVE have transpired from so many unspoken words ~ events, moments, and acts in my life. I've witnessed what it means to truly LOVE from the following: having my prayers answered in the gift of motherhood, being blessed with two precious children who watches over each other, having faith that Ethan was especially chosen to be MY angel, experiencing childhood through Marisa's and Ethan's eyes is pure bliss, seeing through their eyes life's possibilities~ so full of wonders, so full of innocence & so full of hope, experiencing Ethan's contagious smiles & empathetic spirit, having a daughter whom I adore with all of my heart, having a son who lights up my world, needing my husband & my children like needing the air that I breath, having a husband who makes me laugh & yes, sometimes cry, having free will to do what is right, having my niece & husband by my side & having them take me to my doctors when I was on bed rest during my pregnancy, having the courage to stand up for what's right & not for what's popular, having family & friends ~ for supporting us through our uncertain times when Ethan was born, having the opportunities to hold & keep Ethan warm up against my chest when he was a few hours old because he was unable to regulate his temperature, having the energy to pump milk for Ethan so that he could drink while being stuck in the incubator in the NICU, feeling the closeness of having Ethan's tiny fingers wrapped around my index finger while I held him in the NICU, having my husband hold & tell me that everything would be okay, watching a careful kiss that Marisa gave to her baby brother when she came to visit at the hospital, having my husband home with our daughter so that I could be with Ethan during his hospital stay (NICU at birth and PICU at around 8 months old), having my husband ~ strong & protective, having the support of a dear a friend~ who is more my sister than she would ever know (who said that you need to have thousands of friends when one can make a difference?), being able to have a whole hearted laughter that makes Ethan stared in confusion, a long embrace like I've been missed for an eternity, a shy little kiss that makes our daughter say "ooohhhh-ahhhh-noooo", hearing Ethan's laughter when he is playing with Marisa & daddy, admiring my daughter when she teaches her brother new words, feeling a sense of accomplishments when I see in Marisa's & Ethan's eyes pure joy & happiness, knowing that my sister & her family have us in their prayers, having the opportunity to spend time in Thailand, having others consider our Marisa's & Ethan's feelings ~ remembering how we've considered them when they were young, and teaching our children by setting an example ~ even though we are not perfect ~ our children knows that we have their best interest at heart!

LOVE is a grin on my face because my husband & my children are enjoying their ice-cream, my heart's delight when Ethan said "I wove ooouuu" with a great big SMILE & a hug, cuddle time with my baby Marisa ~ even though she is taller than me & feels that she's too old to cuddle, combing Marisa' s hair just because she likes how it feels, putting eye makeup on Marisa because we wanted to experiment, when Marisa told me that she likes how I wake her up in the morning ~ unlike how her dad does, playing a game of who gets to be in the middle when we are all in our bed ~ Marisa and Ethan learned to share...Marisa on daddy's side & Ethan on mommy's side but both are still in the middle, my husband remembering our promise that we've made so many years ago ~ for keeps, having family get together & seeing their unconditional love for my children, knowing that I have someone who has my back no matter what, having my mother make me comfort food from what she's made when I was a child, having my sister treasure my children as much as I treasured hers, Ethan jamming to Thai country music without missing a beat ~ a child after our hearts, seeing how Marisa shares her love of music with her brother ~ even though Ethan bite her headphone, holding Ethan to sleep & waking up to see his smiley face, reading stories to Ethan & having him so mesmerized, hearing Van & Marisa asked "what is Ethan saying or signing" ~ only a mother knows what their own child is saying, seeing goodness & pure joy through Marisa's & Ethan's eyes ~ no substitutions!
LOVE is kind, LOVE is free, LOVE is unconditional, LOVE is selfless, LOVE is never wanting others to be in pain, LOVE is never having to ask, LOVE is given & not taken, LOVE is precious, LOVE is a feeling & not just a word, LOVE is doing with no expectations, LOVE is laughter wrapped up in a yellow box, LOVE is not having to say "I LOVE YOU" every moment, LOVE is being able to have a bad day & it's okay, LOVE is never asking someone to change , LOVE is doing what is right rather than what is popular, LOVE protects, LOVE never restricts, LOVE is home, LOVE is never having to promise, LOVE is Marisa's & Ethan's smiles, LOVE is family, LOVE is eternal. LOVE is Ethan, LOVE is Marisa, LOVE is Van, LOVE is me, and LOVE is God.

Life is very brief but I'm so thankful for these treasured moments ~ so this is LOVE ;-)

Still a seesaw, not a roller coaster..more up than down

Friday, September 10, 2010 ~ It was a bit chilly, felt like fall. I'm not complaining because it is one of my favorite season! Marisa finally made it upstairs to give Ethan a hug. Ethan was so happy to have both his sister and daddy there with him before starting the fourth day of school. Ethan was in a really good spirit ~ all set for another day of missing mommy or so I'm thinking! After dropping Ethan off, came home to try and sort through Ethan's clothes. I wanted to put away his summer clothes and gather all of his fall and winter clothes. Off course, time just passes by so quickly! Did not accomplish my goal because I started working on Ethan's birthday invitation. My baby is turning three! What a journey it is thus far.

Picked Ethan up a bit earlier. I went directly to his class to surprise him. He was playing by himself, trying to climb on a huge chair. His teachers saw and walked towards him to let him know that he was not allow to do that. When Ethan got off, he saw my face and walked towards me. He showed his sad face and I gave him a hug and a kiss. His teachers said that he was sad during lunch again. What are we going to do? I know that I have to try to let him get use to being with others...be strong Mary, be strong!

Somebody call 911 ~ shawty fire burning on the dance floor...Monday, 9-13-2010 turned out to be so unexpected! It was expected that it would be very difficult to get my children off to school. We had such a wonderful weekend, perfect weather, perfect family time, perfect dinner at grandma's house, and perfect getting to bed. Marisa was still sleeping at 7 am and Ethan wanted to continue to sleep even though I kept hugging, squeezing, singing, and kissing him. We finally succeeded! Van said "I'm not trying to sound like I'm bragging but our son is a pretty good looking boy!" What Van was trying to say was that he loves seeing Ethan the first thing in the morning just because he is such a bright sunshine ~ smiley face, totally affectionate and makes you love life! I teased Van by saying that Ethan looks a bit roughed up right after school ~ from crying because he misses us. Van and I dropped Ethan off and he was ready to carry his backpack on his own. He also was fine with walking to his class with his teacher but grunted for us to follow him to his classroom. We did and said good-bye to Ethan with a hug and a kiss, of course!
Ethan took the bus home for the 1st time, but prior to this...Dr. Neely said, "Something happen today" all that I was thinking was oh no...did Ethan hurt someone because he's trying to hug or help them? Dr. Neely continued to tell me that Ethan went missing for a few minutes. My mind went blank as I watched the teacher's lips moving up and down and her eyes seem so apologetic...I heard bits and pieces - recess, walking inside before the other class, door closed, opened door, followed the kindergarten class back to the playground, the other teacher brought Ethan back into his room, good door opener, and really fast. Now, my hearing was not catching up to my mind...did the teachers not noticed that Ethan was not in his room until the other teacher brought him back? The teacher's assistant said that Ethan was really good in opening up doors...well, does that mean that they did not see when he left the room and did h e open and close the door without them realizing this? I felt bad for the teachers...I knew that this was difficult for them to tell me. I'm glad that Ethan was safe! All that I could offer to the teachers was whether there was anything that I can do to help. I figure that it must be hard to manage eight children with special need. Ethan have always had my attention, 110% or even more so to let him be in an environment where I know that he has to be with other children...it is going to take some getting use to. Dr. Neely said that she has requested that the other class wait until her students are completely in their class. It's funny now to "picture" Ethan roaming the hallway and into the playground but oh boy...I'm going to have to volunteer and be THE "class room mom"! NOT A CODE RED DAY, BUT COULD HAVE BEEN!

I don't know if I should react any which way...I can't blame Ethan...how can I? Just look at this face! The face of "oh mommy, look at me, I wove ouu soooo much and I know that you wove me too! I know that you are not going to be upset with me, no matter what I do because I wove ouuu...cheezzzzzeeee..I did something good mommy, I went outside to play on my o wn...isn't it great that I am such a big boy now?" Thank goodness that Ethan is so pure... holds our hearts in his tiny chubby fingers...I think he knows that too!

Tuesday, 9/14/10 was pretty good even though I did not pick Ethan up from school. I waited for him at the bus stop. Van and I dropped Ethan off this morning...it was so sweet that when we arrived and asked if Ethan wanted to carry his backpack, Ethan stopped in the middle of the hallway so that Van could put it on him. Ethan was so proud to walk on his own and he said hello to everyone that he passes! We had to rush Ethan, otherwise, he'll be late. Did our thing and said good-bye...it was harder for me today just because I knew that I was not going to be coming to the school to get him. Ethan still wanted to follow us out of his classroom but his teacher kept him occupied or she tried to.

I waited for Ethan at the bus stop...the bus came at 11:59 am. I climbed up to greet Ethan. He was so cute sitting in his seat. I saw glimpse of tears but thank goodness, we nipped it in the buds. Brushed that off right away by hugging and kissing Ethan. I was so ecstatic to hold Ethan so tightly while telling Ethan that I was so happy to see him. He was so brave to be without us today!

I lowered Ethan off the bus and let him walk. Boy, it took us ten minutes to walk back home! Ethan had to see everything. He waited to watched birds flying everywhere. He wanted to see what was beneath the grass. He wanted to walk up to our neighbor's home to knock on their door. Ethan wanted to jump from the sidewalk onto the road. He saw beautiful roses and wanted to touch them. We saw wild persimmon trees with lots of fruits!

Ethan saw a puddle of water and had to play in it. Ethan did his "river dance" and I just had to thank God for this wonderful day!

I ended up carrying Ethan the rest of the way home, otherwise, we'll never make it into the house!

Seesaw

Good morning sunshine!

Today was a good day for Ethan or so I'm told. He was happy when I picked him up but Dr. Neely asked if Ethan was sensitive. I asked her why? She said that today was coloring day and Ethan started on the walls. Dr. Neely told Ethan not to draw on the walls and he just started to tear up! Yes, we've said "NO" to Ethan on several occasions but always with a smile. Saying good-bye to daddy!

When I was very stern with him (pretending to be upset, of course)...all that Ethan would do is smile at me and then he would give me a hug and a kiss. When you try to pull away, he pulls you back and then smother his face into your face with both hands hold on tight to our heads! Yes, Ethan gets away with many things. How could I continue to stay stern with Ethan especially when he is just too sweet? I know, I know, I know. BUT our lives are made even more Special just because of Ethan!

Ethan will need to learn from somebody else besides Van, Marisa, and me. Even when Ya (grandmother in Thai) said no to Ethan, she would always end up carrying Ethan all over the place! She said that she just wants to bite him! Ethan is so loved...it tickles me to imagine how any one of us could discipline Ethan with a straight face.

Just like riding on a seesaw...up and down...yesterday, Ethan had a sad moment without mommy but today, it is good knowing that he was okay in school. My heart can beat just a little better and I can breath a little easier ;-)

And on the second day

Ethan fell asleep in his sister's arms while daddy laid next to them. I wanted Ethan to have plenty of sleep so we got him to bed early last night! I just wanted Ethan to be well rested for his second day of school. I know that Ethan was pretty tired for having to be up so early...he fell asleep after school when I was waiting in the DMV line. Thu waited in the car with Ethan ~ she said that he was listening, talking and singing ~ all of the sudden...silence! Thu said that when she turned around to see Ethan, he was fast asleep.

This morning, I woke up at 6:57 from a dream. I sent a message to Hannah to let her know that I had a dream that she gave birth to a baby boy! I saw in my dream that Steve and Hannah named their little baby, Andrew Blue! Gave Ethan his milk while Marisa came and snuggled with him! Van and I headed out at 7:37 and arrived just in time. Ethan was pretty apprehensive about going to school today, especially when I asked Ethan if he was wanted to be in school and he shook his head "no". Not a good sign!
Returned home and uploaded some pictures on Facebook. Left the house at 11:37 to pick up Ethan. I waited at the entrance, same as yesterday. I was anxious to see Ethan walk around the corner from his class! I saw at a distance, Ethan's classmates. I started to video taped them again, but when I focused on my dear baby boy...I saw that he had his right hand covering his nose and mouth. In an instant, my stomach sank and my heart felt that it was torn out of my body ~ I saw tears streaming down Ethan's cheeks! My baby was crying as he approached me. I stopped recording and ran to him with open arms. His teachers said that he misses me today...they said that all of a sudden, Ethan realized that he missed me right around lunch time. They said that they don't know what happen because he just started crying! My poor baby boy ~ all that I could do was hold him tight, kissed him for a long time, and tell him that I love him. Called Van to let him know about Ethan's day and to let Ethan talk to his daddy.

Ethan now just wants to cuddle, snuggle, and let me smother him! We are now just waiting for Marisa and daddy to return home!

Made it...Ethan's first day of school :)

7: 00 A.M. Still Dreaming!

My, my, my! I thought that I was going to lose my mind not having Ethan with me this morning. Van, Marisa and I piled into the car this morning to bid Ethan farewell...yes, that was how I felt. It felt like it was going to be a long good-bye, a lifetime of not having Ethan with me. I was so anxious for Ethan.

We arrived early...so early that we were the only folks in Ethan's class.

His teacher, Dr. Helen Neely, had to leave the room to pick up other students. Ethan sat in a chair in front of the room but Marisa directed Ethan to his own chair (a yellow plastic chair with his name on a triangle label). When another kid arrived, Ian, it was really nice. Ethan was instantly drawn to him...Ethan looked relieved that there was someone his own size around! Ian is 31/2 years old but very close to Ethan's size. Ian's mother said that he was a bit apprehensive about today but she was hoping that he would feel more settled later. Marisa went over to see Ethan and asked for a hug...he was so willing to give his big sister a big hug and a kiss :)

Once all the other children and teachers came into the room, we took turns leaving...all of us giving Ethan our hugs and kisses. When he turned around to grab a stuff dragon, Van and Marisa walked out of the room. One of his teacher distracted Ethan so that I could leave too. Once I closed the door, Ethan looked up and saw that we were all outside. He quickly went to put the dragon back and ran to the door. His teachers caught Ethan just as the door cracked open. I did not want Ethan to think that we were never going to come back for him. I wanted to cry and was just waiting for a simple sign to tell me to go back in. My sweet baby did not cry! He allowed his teachers to lead him while I watched him in desperation. Yes, I desperately missed my baby and that's what I told him when I picked him up from school. Mixed emotions ~ I knew that this day would come when Ethan becomes independent but boy, I am not ready to let him go ~ not yet!

As I waited for my little angel to walk around the corner to where I was standing, I was a little nervous that Ethan would be sad. I thought that he would remember that I left him behind this morning. I was so wrong...as Ethan turned the corner, I saw Ethan holding his teacher's hand while she was trying to hold onto Ian too. She was trying to walk with two little boys and also carry Ethan's bags! I had a big smile on my face because I was so proud of my dear Ethan for being so brave and strong! It was so cute to watch three teachers trying to keep eight little kids in order while walking in the hallway. When Ethan saw me standing at the door...he ran over with open arms. My anxiety subsided once I saw Ethan's smiley face. What a journey it's been thus far!

Precious Moments

Time is passing by and I don't know how to freeze it. Ethan will be starting school soon and I am so scared to let him become less dependent on me. I will miss our moments of sharing our smiles and hugs right when I say "good morning" to Ethan as he wake up to greet the day.

I hugged and kissed Ethan and rolled around in bed, as I always have but today felt a bit different. It's the first of September and by next week, I will not have this precious moment to share with Ethan since he will be in school. Am I being selfish if I don't want my little bundle of happiness to be without me every single moments?

Tonight, Ethan made it know that he has to be included in everything...when Van gave Marisa a hug, Ethan wanted one too. When Van gave me a kiss, he wanted one too. Van said that Ethan was just like his sister when she was young...I agree. Marisa always wanted to be "in the middle". I am so blessed to have these precious moments~hate to go to sleep and miss anything!

Oh to be a mama!

Oh the sound of Ethan calling me "mama" just melts my heart! Been working with Ethan to say "mama" rather than just "ma" or "mom". Ethan's been calling his dad, "daddy" and Marisa, "Sa" but now he is able to say "Sa Sa". He is full of surprises, especially when he does things without any prompting. He's pointed to his left eye and said "eye". He loves to read with me and loves to hear me sing "wheels on the bus" but I would replace "wheel" with every animals that I can think off.

He saw a picture of my father in the spare room and said "Tu". Tu, translates in Laotian, mean grandfather or grandmother. I was so happy to hear him call my father that, even though I don't believe Ethan has ever heard me called my father "Tu". Ethan likes to go into this room. Van had set aside this spare bedroom for his Buddhas and I also have a picture of my dad and Van's dad in there. Ethan loves to go into this room to pay respect and "wai". Wai is when you put your hands together into a prayer like position and then bowing down as a sign of respect. Ethan sits on the floor and wai several times. So sweet to see that he knows how to do this and wants to do this. I hope that he will continue to follow our tradition, unlike his big sister, who will only do this on our Vietnamese/Chinese New Year.

Another moment to remember is Ethan's love of water. We went down to Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond to drop Ashley and Amanda off. Thida was to watch Ethan while Van and I helped Ashley take her personal belongs into her dorm. When we came downstairs, we saw Ethan doing his doggy walk in the front yard with Thida laughing. My baby boy was drenched but it was really cute to see him laughing and smiling. I let him get his thrills until he was truly drenched! I tried to take pictures with my camera phone but Ethan was way too fast for me to snap his pictures! Oh to be a mama...how lucky I am?

Keith Urban's "But for the grace of God"
I must've been born a lucky guy (I'm replacing with gal)
Heaven only knows how I've been blessed
With the gift of you love
And I look around and all I see
Is your happiness embracing me
Oh Lord I'd be lost
But for the grace of God

I love Ethan's kisses and his embraces...most of all, Ethan is pure joy!

Amazed

It's Saturday evening and Marisa is not with us. She went on vacation with her friend, Liz Barnes, to Florida and then on a cruise to Mexico. This is Marisa's first trip without us but more so without a family member. It's hard accepting the fact that she is growing up too quickly.

Van and I are sitting around and watching Ethan dance to Thai music videos. We are reminded of when Marisa was Ethan's age and she too loved to listen and danced to Thai songs. Many years have passed but we still remember them like it was just yesterday. Marisa brought warmth into my heart and Ethan brought life into my soul.

Van and I were blessed over fifteen years ago with our little girl Marisa. She is our world and I thank God for her everyday. She IS who I wish I WAS when I was her age...loved, cherished, precious, beautiful, strong will, confident, carefree, and so full of hope.

Words can not express the feelings that I have when it comes to our baby boy Ethan! I can't believe that it will be three years in October that I was blessed with another angel. With God's grace, I was given the greatest gift of becoming a mother to the most precious baby boy.

Ethan's disposition is just amazing! He is my sunshine..bringing smiles to everyone. His glance, his eyes, his smiles, his laughter, his hugs, his kisses...so pure and so precious.

Ethan saw our family picture on this blog and pointed to me and said "mom", to his father and said "daddy", to his sister and said "Sa" and then to himself but just looked at me. I told him to say "me" and he said me!

So consumed by my emotions!