Ethan's 3rd birthday is right around the corner! I've been writing in my journal about my journey in becoming a mother, the second time around, and being a mother with a child who really needs me. What I've discovered along the way was just how much I needed my son.
I've always wanted to be a mother. I guess, my want was more of a selfish reason. I yearned to have unconditional love and to give unconditional love. Most of my life, I've prayed to have many children. I prayed everyday for a miracle. When I finally asked Heavenly Father to only give me another child if and when HE felt that I was ready. I placed my fate in God's hands.
I remember when I was taking a shower early morning in the summer of 2006, I cried out to my Heavenly Father to just allow me this happiness once more since I've struggled so much for most of my life. I guess I was trying to "present my attributes" and provide reasons that I felt that I was ready for the unconditional love. For the longest time, I did not feel that I deserved this love, even when I was blessed with Van and Marisa, I still felt a hole in my heart. I asked God if he could just see how much I still have faith in HIM and that my faith would not waiver even through all the trials and tribulations. I felt a calmness that overcame my being and I knew that everything was going to be alright.
Through hugs and kisses and bumps and bruises, I'm grateful to have witnessed such a miracle in Ethan. It is with great pride and importance that I write about Ethan's journey. Rather than asking why? My son has taught me to ask why not? My little man serves as a great reminder that Heavenly Father is perfect. HE gave me Ethan knowing that he would be my perfect love, my perfect teacher, and my perfect son. When I gazed into my son's eyes, my heart soars and is filled with such glee. When I see his smile and hear his endearing laughter, my heart just melts and I am jello. When I hear his little voice calling me "mom", what a perfect melody to my ears. When I receive his tight clinching hugs and whole hearted kisses, I knew that my life would never be the same. I'm complete.
