This time next week

I’m so excited that my husband will be home with us this time next week. I can't believe that time is just dragging by because we are waiting for his safe return. It's true that I've missed my husband, but I think my children miss him more.

In the beginning, I did miss not having him around to help with Ethan especially when Ethan was sick. I also missed him to bounce off ideas with. Although we called him practically every day, it’s not the same. After I looked at some pictures that we've taken over the holidays, I began to feel more upset and sadden with my husband. In our pictures, I can see how worried and stressed my husband has been. After looking at these pictures, I called my husband and told him that he looked so much like his father! He said that that was weird especially when his brother-in-law said the same thing when he was picked up at the airport. When my husband was home, I told him one, he's lost a lot of weight. Two, I told my husband that he looked like he has just lost his most prized possessions. Three, although we were unable to take this trip with him, I wanted him to go and take this time for himself. Four, I did not realized how tiring I’ve been to try and convince my husband that he needed to share his thoughts and feelings with me so that he could release some of the burden that he was carrying on his shoulders. I don't know, maybe I'm thinking too much. I thought that our relationship was better than that ~ where we are really open to one another but lately, I feel as though my husband doesn't trust to confide in me. In his defense, he said that he just doesn't want me to worry since I have Ethan to care for and also I have so much on my plate. Of course he is correct, I do have a lot riding on my shoulders but it still doesn't eliminate my concerns for my husband’s well being!

After watching The Oprah Winfrey show this week, I truly felt the void of not having my husband home. I missed my husband’s presence and his reminder that I matter to him and my children & that I am loved by him and by my children. It’s strange how one moment in life can have such a drastic impact on a person. In my situation, it’s been a chain of events that’s changed my life. Some changes were welcoming but some were like the plague! A profound statement that Oprah made, “Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.” In that moment, I thought about how my life and the lives of my children should not be defined by the moments that took my soul away but rather by the moments that uplifted my spirit. Forgiveness is something that I can give to myself because the past can not be changed. Forgiveness should provide me with a voice. Forgiveness would enable me to tell the world that I choose life. Forgiveness is an opportunity for me to define my path and that doing what is right can only prevail in the end. Forgiveness is a choice. All this time, my husband’s been telling me that I have to give myself more credit than I actually do. I shall try. All that I have to do to be inspired is to glaze into my children's faces; things are where it should be.