Last day of September

Still raining. Ethan returned to school today even though he is still not 100%. It was really difficult to get him up this morning since he had a terrible time going to bed last night. Changed his clothes while his eyes were still closed! I held him close and gave him a big kiss to let him know that it was time to wake up. My poor Ethan bear ~ it breaks my heart to see my baby so tired!

Well, Ethan did not fall asleep until 11:15 last night! Yes, Van and I tried to put him to bed since 8:30 but he was fighting to stay up. Plus, it was hard since Van and Marisa were laughing at every little thing that Ethan was doing in the dark! He jumped, played with his toys, called for us, singing his little song, turned on the lights, and then went over to turn on the TV. When Ethan is determined to do something, boy, his is really set! I just did not want him to be so tired in the morning but Ethan was not having it. He took a nap earlier so we knew that it would be difficult to get him to bed.

Waiting for Ethan to return from school ~ I miss his desperately!

Monkey see... monkey do

Van wanted to keep Ethan home again since he still has a runny nose. I know that it's best to be cautious especially when Ethan get sick. I've been nebuelizing him everyday & Ethan is almost finished with his medicine. Although Ethan is under the weather, he is still in great spirit!

Ethan wanted to do karate! Yes, we did our hi-ya's. Ethan also wanted to run in place, jump, jumping jacks, and my version of Thai boxing. The cutest thing was to watch Ethan so determined to follow everything that I was doing. I tried to do a high kick & Ethan followed. I got a glimpse of my reflection on the television screen and it's the funniest thing. All that I could do was laugh & of course, my little monkey bear laughed too ~ not realizing that his mommy looks pretty silly at this moment. I just love to see how Ethan looks at me ~ I believe that Ethan is thinking how amazing his mommy is! Either that or he may think how silly I am. Warms my heart any which way just to have these moments with Ethan.

I managed to take some pictures of him but of course, my camera is a really low grade version of what I'm dreaming to get. I'm working on getting a nice camera to capture every moments possible but for now, I'll settle for this old dinosaur!

My little monkey sat with me while trying to smother me with his kisses. It's hard to not laugh when Ethan does this just because I do the same thing to him! I also would hold his face with both hands & rubbed my nose with his (Eskimo kissing). Whatever this little monkey see, this little monkey will do. Van warned me about not letting Ethan see so much since he likes to imitate us ~ well, I think setting a good example for Ethan is the best that we can do to help him learn! Sometimes you just have to throw up your hands & arms & feet and say "what the hey"...if you can't laugh at your own self, then nobody else will want to laugh with you!

Tarzan

Ethan is feeling a bit better but still has a little runny nose. It's rainy today but it is a really nice day to watch Ethan play. Ethan wanted to read books with me so we started off with Tarzan ~ one of the books that Abby and Logan got for Ethan last year for Christmas. Ethan loves pretending to be Tarzan by pounding his chest and yelling "ah-ee-ah". Yes, mommy taught Ethan how to be Tarzan. Ethan also likes to ROAR like the leopard in the story but he roared so loud & his mouth is wide open that he sometimes would bite down on my lips! It's fine though, I love to see Ethan so animated and so happy! When we see the chimpanzees in the book, Ethan would make his monkey sound "eee-eee-eee-ahh-ahh-ahh-ooo-ooo", just too adorable to describe in writing. Moments like this, I want to capture on film but it's hard to do everything at once.Ethan also thought that it would be nice to empty some boxes in the sun room so that he could hide in them. Great imagination! He likes climbing into boxes, but this one, he wanted to close it up. I guess Ethan was trying to play hide-and-seek with mommy!
We also sang "do, re, mi"... one of my favorite songs from my childhood. Ethan thought that it was funny when I did "fa ~ a long long way to run". But by teaching Ethan this song, I hope to help him with learning "me, me, me"... his speech therapist wanted me to teach Ethan the words "mine & me". It's hard to teach him this because I don't want Ethan to be spoiled or selfish. From what I've witnessed, Ethan is so giving! Sometimes too giving. When he wants to give you a hug and a kiss, he will be very forceful until he is able to give them. It's cute but I know that we have to be careful when he is with others. I wish that more people could be like Ethan, very innocent, very sweet, very empathetic, and very pure. Other children will push & pull. As I've watched Ethan play with other children, I see how giving he is. He would let other children go in front of him, he would try to comfort someone when he saw them crying, he would hug someone just to say hello. I know it's wishful thinking to hope that others are more like Ethan ~ I know that this is how we should strive to be. Like I've mentioned before, Ethan is a great teacher. I hope that this world will not spoil Ethan or take his innocence away. That's why I ended up singing "you are my sunshine" to Ethan ~ he is my little sunshine! And of course, we ended up playing Simon says...Ethan loves to show off and I'm so proud that he knows the major body parts "hands, nose, toes, stomach, head, eyes, ears, lips, hair, butt, knees, etc." and directions "run, dance, jump, sit". I am in awe with my son! I just can't get enough of him ~ my heart is overjoy to be such a witness to God's creation! Thank you for giving me this greatest blessing!

To sleep or not to sleep

I've been trying to keep Ethan on his bedtime schedule, but it's been very difficult. Just because he is sick does not mean that I can let him stay up late! Ethan's temperature is back to normal but he still has a runny nose. He was well enough for us to take him to get his flu shot today; however, Van does not want Ethan to return to school until his is 100%. I don't want to be a bad mom and send Ethan off to school especially when he is still not feeling well.
Well, I actually would prefer for Ethan to be home with me but I know that that is selfish. I feel that I am missing out on things that Ethan is learning. I want to watch Ethan every moment possible...from morning to night. One of my favorite moments is before Ethan is completely awake but still in a daze, Ethan would open his eyes (partially) and crack a perfect smile at me to let me know that he is safe, happy, and loved. Another moment is when Ethan is tired and ready for bed. He'll snuggled with me with my face smothering his and he'll run his hand through my hair. I guess this calms him down because in no less that a second, Ethan will be knocked out!
Tonight, like the other night (Sunday night), Van and I tried to put Ethan to bed. Well Sunday night, Ethan had a temperature and I know that it was really difficult for him to sleep. I was up with him while he tossed and turned ~ I think I had about four hours of sleep! Of course tonight, since Ethan was feeling much better, daddy wanted to "play" with him. Ethan had just finished wrestling with daddy so he was too excited to go to sleep! I've asked Van to not play so rough with Ethan, especially when it is bed time. Of course, my husband does not understand what "not playing rough" is. Van said not to worry, he would have Ethan in bed by 8:30...of course, it was 9:40 when Ethan finally fell asleep. He was not a happy camper when I forced a bear hug on him to keep him still. Ethan gave a heart wrenching cry and it took a lot to keep me from letting Ethan go. I hated to hear my baby boy so upset but I hope that one day, Ethan may come to understand that I was just trying to help him. I don't want him to wake up so tired, even though he will not be going to school tomorrow. Van caved in and asked me to let Ethan go. Ethan got out of my bear hold and wandered around the room for a bit longer. I know that Ethan finally got tired because he came and tugged on my toes. I pulled him up to bed and hugged him as I've always done. Ethan stroke his left hand in my hair and in one second ~ Ethan was asleep! I asked Van to get his medicine for the nebulizer and had it on but Ethan did not move. I know that he was so tired ~ his eyes were gleaming and puffy. He tries his heart out to fight the sleepiness but I know that snuggling with him will usually do it!

There are times where Ethan just doesn't seem to want to go to sleep ~ I feel that he may think that he is missing out on things. It's a hard decision to make, to sleep or not to sleep! Thank goodness that he is still young and can't defy us for a long time. I understand my dear little one that every moment is worth savoring and going to sleep seems to take away those moments...I promise you, you are missed while you are sleeping but what a joy it is to see you when you are awake. You are mommy's sunshine ~ always amazing! I love seeing life through your eyes ~ so full of wonder and so full of love bursting through your smiles. I am so thankful that I am your mother!

Nightingale

Ethan missed school today! My sweet little angel got sick over the weekend...I knew that he was going to catch something sooner or later. I feel so miserable when Ethan is feeling terrible. He is now on antibiotics so I have to keep my eyes on him. I will need to keep my baby home for another day just so that I can take care of my angel. It's hard to see Ethan not being "clean" when he is in school. Ethan hates to have stuff on his hands, face and lips so he usually will let us know to wipe them ~ he'll grunt and show his dirty hands!

Marisa cuddled with her brother tonight. We are really smothering Ethan just because he wants to be held by everyone! When Marisa was holding Ethan and I touched his back. He told me to "op" for stop because he just wanted Marisa. Ethan got tired of telling me to stop so he sat up and mumbled a few words with his left arm stretched and finger pointed for me to go away. I asked Ethan if he wanted mommy to leave and he answered yes, yes! My goodness...right after, Ethan just hugged and kissed me...I guess he was joking. Just gave Ethan his medicine and daddy is holding Ethan to sleep. I wanted to write a little note to his teacher to let her know that Ethan will miss school again tomorrow. It's a good thing...I want to spend some time with Ethan anyways...I've missed not having him with me.

Laugh, Love & Treasured Moments

Have you ever heard this? "What's love got to do with it?" My response is that LOVE is not just a word that can be thrown around so easily, like empty promises...LOVE is just a four letter word if used as a salutation...I believe that actions speaks louder than words! Others, I believe thinks that by saying "I love you" a thousand times a day & not make any efforts to back up these words are truly clueless.

LOVE should be the simple & subtle things that happens on a daily basis. Don't take me the wrong way, it's always nice to hear "I love you" every possible moment , but having these treasured "unspoken" moments have shown me what true love should ultimately be.

LOVE have transpired from so many unspoken words ~ events, moments, and acts in my life. I've witnessed what it means to truly LOVE from the following: having my prayers answered in the gift of motherhood, being blessed with two precious children who watches over each other, having faith that Ethan was especially chosen to be MY angel, experiencing childhood through Marisa's and Ethan's eyes is pure bliss, seeing through their eyes life's possibilities~ so full of wonders, so full of innocence & so full of hope, experiencing Ethan's contagious smiles & empathetic spirit, having a daughter whom I adore with all of my heart, having a son who lights up my world, needing my husband & my children like needing the air that I breath, having a husband who makes me laugh & yes, sometimes cry, having free will to do what is right, having my niece & husband by my side & having them take me to my doctors when I was on bed rest during my pregnancy, having the courage to stand up for what's right & not for what's popular, having family & friends ~ for supporting us through our uncertain times when Ethan was born, having the opportunities to hold & keep Ethan warm up against my chest when he was a few hours old because he was unable to regulate his temperature, having the energy to pump milk for Ethan so that he could drink while being stuck in the incubator in the NICU, feeling the closeness of having Ethan's tiny fingers wrapped around my index finger while I held him in the NICU, having my husband hold & tell me that everything would be okay, watching a careful kiss that Marisa gave to her baby brother when she came to visit at the hospital, having my husband home with our daughter so that I could be with Ethan during his hospital stay (NICU at birth and PICU at around 8 months old), having my husband ~ strong & protective, having the support of a dear a friend~ who is more my sister than she would ever know (who said that you need to have thousands of friends when one can make a difference?), being able to have a whole hearted laughter that makes Ethan stared in confusion, a long embrace like I've been missed for an eternity, a shy little kiss that makes our daughter say "ooohhhh-ahhhh-noooo", hearing Ethan's laughter when he is playing with Marisa & daddy, admiring my daughter when she teaches her brother new words, feeling a sense of accomplishments when I see in Marisa's & Ethan's eyes pure joy & happiness, knowing that my sister & her family have us in their prayers, having the opportunity to spend time in Thailand, having others consider our Marisa's & Ethan's feelings ~ remembering how we've considered them when they were young, and teaching our children by setting an example ~ even though we are not perfect ~ our children knows that we have their best interest at heart!

LOVE is a grin on my face because my husband & my children are enjoying their ice-cream, my heart's delight when Ethan said "I wove ooouuu" with a great big SMILE & a hug, cuddle time with my baby Marisa ~ even though she is taller than me & feels that she's too old to cuddle, combing Marisa' s hair just because she likes how it feels, putting eye makeup on Marisa because we wanted to experiment, when Marisa told me that she likes how I wake her up in the morning ~ unlike how her dad does, playing a game of who gets to be in the middle when we are all in our bed ~ Marisa and Ethan learned to share...Marisa on daddy's side & Ethan on mommy's side but both are still in the middle, my husband remembering our promise that we've made so many years ago ~ for keeps, having family get together & seeing their unconditional love for my children, knowing that I have someone who has my back no matter what, having my mother make me comfort food from what she's made when I was a child, having my sister treasure my children as much as I treasured hers, Ethan jamming to Thai country music without missing a beat ~ a child after our hearts, seeing how Marisa shares her love of music with her brother ~ even though Ethan bite her headphone, holding Ethan to sleep & waking up to see his smiley face, reading stories to Ethan & having him so mesmerized, hearing Van & Marisa asked "what is Ethan saying or signing" ~ only a mother knows what their own child is saying, seeing goodness & pure joy through Marisa's & Ethan's eyes ~ no substitutions!
LOVE is kind, LOVE is free, LOVE is unconditional, LOVE is selfless, LOVE is never wanting others to be in pain, LOVE is never having to ask, LOVE is given & not taken, LOVE is precious, LOVE is a feeling & not just a word, LOVE is doing with no expectations, LOVE is laughter wrapped up in a yellow box, LOVE is not having to say "I LOVE YOU" every moment, LOVE is being able to have a bad day & it's okay, LOVE is never asking someone to change , LOVE is doing what is right rather than what is popular, LOVE protects, LOVE never restricts, LOVE is home, LOVE is never having to promise, LOVE is Marisa's & Ethan's smiles, LOVE is family, LOVE is eternal. LOVE is Ethan, LOVE is Marisa, LOVE is Van, LOVE is me, and LOVE is God.

Life is very brief but I'm so thankful for these treasured moments ~ so this is LOVE ;-)

Still a seesaw, not a roller coaster..more up than down

Friday, September 10, 2010 ~ It was a bit chilly, felt like fall. I'm not complaining because it is one of my favorite season! Marisa finally made it upstairs to give Ethan a hug. Ethan was so happy to have both his sister and daddy there with him before starting the fourth day of school. Ethan was in a really good spirit ~ all set for another day of missing mommy or so I'm thinking! After dropping Ethan off, came home to try and sort through Ethan's clothes. I wanted to put away his summer clothes and gather all of his fall and winter clothes. Off course, time just passes by so quickly! Did not accomplish my goal because I started working on Ethan's birthday invitation. My baby is turning three! What a journey it is thus far.

Picked Ethan up a bit earlier. I went directly to his class to surprise him. He was playing by himself, trying to climb on a huge chair. His teachers saw and walked towards him to let him know that he was not allow to do that. When Ethan got off, he saw my face and walked towards me. He showed his sad face and I gave him a hug and a kiss. His teachers said that he was sad during lunch again. What are we going to do? I know that I have to try to let him get use to being with others...be strong Mary, be strong!

Somebody call 911 ~ shawty fire burning on the dance floor...Monday, 9-13-2010 turned out to be so unexpected! It was expected that it would be very difficult to get my children off to school. We had such a wonderful weekend, perfect weather, perfect family time, perfect dinner at grandma's house, and perfect getting to bed. Marisa was still sleeping at 7 am and Ethan wanted to continue to sleep even though I kept hugging, squeezing, singing, and kissing him. We finally succeeded! Van said "I'm not trying to sound like I'm bragging but our son is a pretty good looking boy!" What Van was trying to say was that he loves seeing Ethan the first thing in the morning just because he is such a bright sunshine ~ smiley face, totally affectionate and makes you love life! I teased Van by saying that Ethan looks a bit roughed up right after school ~ from crying because he misses us. Van and I dropped Ethan off and he was ready to carry his backpack on his own. He also was fine with walking to his class with his teacher but grunted for us to follow him to his classroom. We did and said good-bye to Ethan with a hug and a kiss, of course!
Ethan took the bus home for the 1st time, but prior to this...Dr. Neely said, "Something happen today" all that I was thinking was oh no...did Ethan hurt someone because he's trying to hug or help them? Dr. Neely continued to tell me that Ethan went missing for a few minutes. My mind went blank as I watched the teacher's lips moving up and down and her eyes seem so apologetic...I heard bits and pieces - recess, walking inside before the other class, door closed, opened door, followed the kindergarten class back to the playground, the other teacher brought Ethan back into his room, good door opener, and really fast. Now, my hearing was not catching up to my mind...did the teachers not noticed that Ethan was not in his room until the other teacher brought him back? The teacher's assistant said that Ethan was really good in opening up doors...well, does that mean that they did not see when he left the room and did h e open and close the door without them realizing this? I felt bad for the teachers...I knew that this was difficult for them to tell me. I'm glad that Ethan was safe! All that I could offer to the teachers was whether there was anything that I can do to help. I figure that it must be hard to manage eight children with special need. Ethan have always had my attention, 110% or even more so to let him be in an environment where I know that he has to be with other children...it is going to take some getting use to. Dr. Neely said that she has requested that the other class wait until her students are completely in their class. It's funny now to "picture" Ethan roaming the hallway and into the playground but oh boy...I'm going to have to volunteer and be THE "class room mom"! NOT A CODE RED DAY, BUT COULD HAVE BEEN!

I don't know if I should react any which way...I can't blame Ethan...how can I? Just look at this face! The face of "oh mommy, look at me, I wove ouu soooo much and I know that you wove me too! I know that you are not going to be upset with me, no matter what I do because I wove ouuu...cheezzzzzeeee..I did something good mommy, I went outside to play on my o wn...isn't it great that I am such a big boy now?" Thank goodness that Ethan is so pure... holds our hearts in his tiny chubby fingers...I think he knows that too!

Tuesday, 9/14/10 was pretty good even though I did not pick Ethan up from school. I waited for him at the bus stop. Van and I dropped Ethan off this morning...it was so sweet that when we arrived and asked if Ethan wanted to carry his backpack, Ethan stopped in the middle of the hallway so that Van could put it on him. Ethan was so proud to walk on his own and he said hello to everyone that he passes! We had to rush Ethan, otherwise, he'll be late. Did our thing and said good-bye...it was harder for me today just because I knew that I was not going to be coming to the school to get him. Ethan still wanted to follow us out of his classroom but his teacher kept him occupied or she tried to.

I waited for Ethan at the bus stop...the bus came at 11:59 am. I climbed up to greet Ethan. He was so cute sitting in his seat. I saw glimpse of tears but thank goodness, we nipped it in the buds. Brushed that off right away by hugging and kissing Ethan. I was so ecstatic to hold Ethan so tightly while telling Ethan that I was so happy to see him. He was so brave to be without us today!

I lowered Ethan off the bus and let him walk. Boy, it took us ten minutes to walk back home! Ethan had to see everything. He waited to watched birds flying everywhere. He wanted to see what was beneath the grass. He wanted to walk up to our neighbor's home to knock on their door. Ethan wanted to jump from the sidewalk onto the road. He saw beautiful roses and wanted to touch them. We saw wild persimmon trees with lots of fruits!

Ethan saw a puddle of water and had to play in it. Ethan did his "river dance" and I just had to thank God for this wonderful day!

I ended up carrying Ethan the rest of the way home, otherwise, we'll never make it into the house!

Seesaw

Good morning sunshine!

Today was a good day for Ethan or so I'm told. He was happy when I picked him up but Dr. Neely asked if Ethan was sensitive. I asked her why? She said that today was coloring day and Ethan started on the walls. Dr. Neely told Ethan not to draw on the walls and he just started to tear up! Yes, we've said "NO" to Ethan on several occasions but always with a smile. Saying good-bye to daddy!

When I was very stern with him (pretending to be upset, of course)...all that Ethan would do is smile at me and then he would give me a hug and a kiss. When you try to pull away, he pulls you back and then smother his face into your face with both hands hold on tight to our heads! Yes, Ethan gets away with many things. How could I continue to stay stern with Ethan especially when he is just too sweet? I know, I know, I know. BUT our lives are made even more Special just because of Ethan!

Ethan will need to learn from somebody else besides Van, Marisa, and me. Even when Ya (grandmother in Thai) said no to Ethan, she would always end up carrying Ethan all over the place! She said that she just wants to bite him! Ethan is so loved...it tickles me to imagine how any one of us could discipline Ethan with a straight face.

Just like riding on a seesaw...up and down...yesterday, Ethan had a sad moment without mommy but today, it is good knowing that he was okay in school. My heart can beat just a little better and I can breath a little easier ;-)